Indulge me please? This real life Blogger just put down her copy of The Walk- Walking On Water after reading it again. This last in The Walk series was released in May and of course I devoured it immediately upon receiving it in my mailbox.
Since that first reading my own walk has taken me on a once in a lifetime trip with my dear one and only younger sister. We joined in where fiction and real life intersected on a cruise with 610 other readers stopping where the fictional Alan reached his goal walking from Seattle to Key West,Florida.
The fictional Alan was just steps away from his goal of Key West still without knowing the answer to the question: "What next?"
That describes the spot in which I find myself at this point in time...on my Walk. Somewhere in my mind I have had a goal of reaching the one year mark..what I am calling mile markers. That place would be Mile Marker 12...Twelve months past the night when my world changed..forever. That was August 18, 2013 at 10:30 p.m...Sunday night.
Please don't ask me for coherent explanations here...I don't know what it is about 1 year. Perhaps it's getting through and beyond-surviving all the Anniversaries [June 21, 1959] the birthdays, holidays and special family gatherings. Perhaps ~ I don't know.
So to make that feeble connection with Alan and his predicament, his journey, walk, goals I am saying I felt his pain..his indecision, insecurity, fears. I relived those last hours of my love's life and felt the feelings, shed the tears...again and again.
But since we are mixing fiction and real life we must back track for this real life 'walker'/blogger.
My life Walk came to a sudden screeching slow down, detour, take a new direction place the summer of 2012 as my silver fox and I heard the cold harsh diagnosis of Cancer...stage 4. There is something so drop dead freezing, stop in your tracks feeling as those simple, direct words: Stage 4. It's Stage 4.
I wanted direct communication. My husband did too. Even today in my 'after life', I would have chosen more direct communication.
I had been reading, trying to educate myself. Mostly I think he had been pondering, meditating, praying, sorting out,.....and accepting. I had examined the illustrations in the hospital and doctors' office walls...showing pictures of the stages. Still I was not ready for those words: Stage 4.
Still it was not spelled out with the clarity I needed. We were impressed with the first Oncologist we had. He was such a medical genius and any time we asked questions he would immediately back up and spell it out for us. The trouble is we did not always know the questions to ask.
He was so brilliant that indeed if my IQ had been 2 points less I could not have kept up with him..I was like a puppy hanging on for dear life to the tail gate of a speeding pick up truck.
Now as we can look back fitting the puzzle pieces of time, experiences and cancer details..we know now we had already used up a significant part of that 18 months.
To Read more... of my personal Walk: Let's Swing for the Trees
|Three months left|
The Walk...my personal Walk- Continues. I do not have all the answers you can count on that. I do know where my faith is..I know that. I am sure of the God we serve [even in an unsure, unsteady world] Our Faith has never been an issue. Those hard issues were settled long ago. I pray they are for you also.
How anyone would dare be so blind or arrogant to assume or choose to walk this walk without this God I serve is beyond me.
Even on the worst of days during the years since we met in May of 1958/married June 21, 1959, there has never been a day I wanted to be anywhere else other than with my love. And likewise, even on the darkest of days I would not want to be walking this journey alone without the Saviour ..the giver of Life, Breath and Salvation who sustains me/us.