Here I am settled into the 8th decade of life and continuing to ask the same questions.
[Warning: I only know the beginning of this post- I don't have a clue where this little side trip is headed]
Have I not been listening the first or the 5th time I ask? Am I not seeing clearly as I look about me for new direction, a road map, a divine detour? I continue to ask "What now Lord?"
Have you ever been at this place..an adult still reaching out for a grown up hand to grab onto? Trying to read all the road signs...majoring on what we call information signs along the roadways [of life].
You read the books, join in the studies to determine your 'custom made by the creator' gifts, Bible studies with godly ladies all looking for some of the same things...answers, direction.
Looking back perhaps I was searching for the right things...but the timing, the place, the needs- the platform was not in place yet.
I am more than comfortable speaking with an audience..usually have something to say and thrive on the sharing opportunity. This one statement may explain to you why I describe myself [in my online profile for LGH ] as a 'planner, producer, performer, promoter'. I have always been comfortable in that role.
On days like this as I am so challenged, encouraged, and in still small ways puzzled if not defeated I'm still that young child walking alongside the grown up ...reaching and holding on tightly to the hand ..not sure which way to go without that security.
Today as a Grandparent, recently a Great Grandmother and a 'seventy something' I am learning to walk alone, adjusting to the phrase 'just one' & apologizing for the 'one' using a table for four.
I have an abundance of time to ponder, mull over or contemplate life, me and the passing of time. I seem to stumble upon most solutions, glimpses of wisdom...then what do I do with them? Funny, this very thought reminds me of [ analogy ] a 1,000 piece puzzle laid out waiting for the puzzle geniuses to magically make all the pieces fit...and me..well you can count me out of this activity. That is not my gift. I spot the easy to decipher pieces that all fit together and that project is history!
Do you ever relegate certain problems or projects to what we often call "the back burner"? Do I ever!
There are often so many 'post it' notes filed away in my pathetic brain we could publish a book titled "Post it" notes.
As you and I share this blogging moment as writer & reader a few of those back burner post it notes pop up. I am reminded that back in those days when I just dreamed of any opportunity to share with other ladies...[and I did have a few of those], the time was not right.
The plain and simple truth is there were so many God things ahead at that time...so many stories not yet written, lessons learned. We were where God wanted us to be taught, molded and shaped for future use. We were in place for trials, heartaches, testing & yes victories!
Did I mention the Church conflict, the forest fire, the unanswered prayers, the sale of our home & farm, the move back close to our children and grand children, the Cancer and the Cancer ?
And the Goodbye.
Good grief [how appropriate] it seems so obvious now our story was only barely begun ...Once upon a time.. the puzzle pieces, the 'rest of the story' still ahead .
Our story was still being written & not yet ready to be told.
Now I am ready ...Holy Spirit I ask you to continue to remove Self & in it's place fill me with so much of You that I can begin to see more clearly, listen more intently and understand more completely ...with the end goal to be Used ....by You perfectly because I am not a puzzle person...Your Will.