For This Day -

One of many definitions of Grace: More than we deserve/Greater than we imagine-

A dear Godly lady in my circle of supportive, praying, believing women continues to remind me that she is praying for Grace - for me. I am thankful. Who turns down a showering of anything God is ready to  gift us with?

 I use the word Grace often - perhaps casually? I ask for it. I accept it. I know it's one of those 'God things' I must surely want. Today at this turn in the road of life I'm willing to confess I may not have a real life understanding of God's Grace -  not the full understanding My Heavenly Father wants me to have .

Author Max Lucado poses this question: "Have you been changed by grace? Shaped by grace? Strengthened by grace? Emboldened by...Softened by grace? Have you been snatched by the nape of your neck and shaken to your senses by grace?"

He continues: "God's grace has a drenching about it. A Wildness. A whitewater, riptide, turn-you-upside-down -ness about it. Grace comes after you. It rewires you. From insecure to God secure-from regret riddled to better-because -of-it. From afraid to die-to Ready to fly."

 ~Last night as I drifted off to sleep, [praying for an adequate, restful sleep] my day had turned from "I think I can manage this " drive down the two lane road into a 'This route has too many lanes, too much traffic, not enough information signs and the skies are grey and overcast...then the weather forecast, the path ahead turns into dark and murky -" at best very uncertain.

 ~God's grace-first installment: As I awaken from a good night's sleep, Nothing has changed but it has. I awaken with a healthy determination-I am ready for battle, ready to be showered with and accept steadiness, strength, peace and a special 'made for this day' joy... spoonfuls or downpours. We can do this. Together- with dignity not pridefullness & humility without drama. ~ He promised never to leave us alone.

Looking Forward ~
Love Notes:
- We are in God's hands no matter what doctors say. The battle is fierce but so are the warriors you have called to come alongside . When we humble ourselves admitting the need we have, it unleashes power to work in our lives....the power of God in the fully surrendered life is a mighty force! Love, Charles and Barbara

The Rest of the Story...[quoting Paul Harvey]  Months have passed since that diagnosis last summer [2012] . My amazing husband has withstood the chemo treatments extraordinarily well.  The powerful Medicine has been effective, making a difference while not erasing the cancer.  We are in a holding pattern now with no chemo, waiting, watching until there are indications that the cancer is growing again. During this time it is surreal..looking at my loved one almost 'his old self', his hair growing back and physical stamina seeming equal to a year ago. He is eating what he wants & doing what he wants.  The facts remind us..this may be a carefree vacation for a short time or perhaps as the oncologist said maybe 6-8 months. Nonetheless, we gladly without question or reservation accept it like an invitation to a  loving, generous, over the top  party given in our honor. One does not turn down such an invitation-There with bells on!

"Every good and perfect gift is from the Father above....."

Update Notes
It is now almost July 2013. After living away from home Monday-Fridays for almost six weeks for daily radiation w chemo, we were ready for a new turn..another direction. It has been another direction- a new experience almost every day.  Just the moment I am thinking "Okay... I can do this-then there's an oops, I didn't see that coming. Now what do we do with this.?"
Yes, Lord we are ready for another break...a 'coffee break,'  a summer break or an extended break.
And shame on me -I am reminded we are basically newcomers to this event. I am reminded of people who have been traveling this road 4 or 5 years..some many more than that.
I think  I need new directions..perhaps I just need to study the original guide all over with fresh eyes.
I am wondering if we need our[figuratively speaking] GPS updated.

We are now in the last day of June 2013. The radiation/chemo combo for almost 6
weeks was worse than we expected. Our only point of reference was what we were
told and his 2008 experience w radiation. Now it is 6 weeks out from radiation and
every day seems to present a new challenge-Almost ever night he says: "Tomorrow
will be better. We focus on food and beverage -measure record mentally everything
consumed and how well his body accepted it.

This week after admitting and discussing specific pain my sweetheart confessed  he is at the place where he thinks the Oncologist was right ...that he is not going to beat this cancer and we need to start taking care of business. He assured me he is not going to give up- he will do all he can do and cooperate -

 What follows a conversation like this?
Unrestrained, unashamed  tears...and more. Both of us.

After being married to this man God gave me  for 54 years
"I do not know how to live  without him."

We need to talk about so many things-There is but one thing  that would fill me with resentment, perhaps anger.  If he would not freely talk about us, our life, joys, fears, victories & challenges while we can have these conversations will be an issue later for me. What a gift it is to be handed a heads up regarding the finish line ..
'more to follow'

The Rest of the Story

As I sit here only kinda sorta focused on the screen ..I am uncertain how to finish this. 
My Sweetheart for life went on to Heaven before me-
That was August 18, 2013
Today is January 28, 2016-10:30 p.m.

Two years, 5 months, 10 days have passed without him.

I hope you will understand if I take the easy way out and simply link you to earlier posts-I just don't think I can go back and retell it all-but I do continue to desire to be real in the sharing -

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