January 01, 2015

A New Beginning~

I didn't earn it. I didn't create it and I fear I will not even begin to measure up to the gift...another new beginning.

As I think about those words ever so briefly I realize I don't merit or measure up to all the other too amazing for words blessings of my lifetime...the God appointed guardians of my younger years, the provision of bounty throughout my life in the form of friendships, mentors, sweetheart for life, family and even earthly material blessings beyond what I could ever have imagined, even to ask, dream or pray about.

During all those years I never had an inkling of a notion to count the victories much less the new beginnings, like a new year. They just came regularly.

At this mile marker January 1, 2015 I am looking at a second calendar year alone [since 1959 ] with out the love of my life..and still am asking even silently "Lord what do I do with this?"

 Really, one would think a woman of my age and such a full rich lifetime looking back could begin to fill in the blanks .  Instead I continue to ask  "Lord, what now?"

I am not stopping. I am not giving up.  I am simply asking.
Talk about stumbling alone~ I don't get it when you suggest  you see  admirable strength in me.

I do pray something of Christ shows through in spite of the real me. I pray. Christ.

Looking Forward....I Surrender All

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