Mile Marker #9 ~ [May 18, 2014]

Nine months since August 18th, 2013....10:30 p.m.  

That night my whole world changed forever. We all knew it was coming. 

We had  a merciful 'heads up' more than a year earlier.

 Still the reality of this new life is something I could  never have imagined....

not even with another  54  years.

Quite honestly I don't know where I should be...

 I don't know where others feel I "should be" after nine months. 

 Whatever it is, I don't think I am there.

I am erratically  searching for balance in my days. 

 What does 'Centered' mean?  I think maybe that's one of the things I am wanting to be...centered.

 I need routine and structure more than ever in my life- 
I Think.

Ah, the security of  being set, programmed - scheduled each day.
[sounds like an alarm clock]

Where has my self confidence gone? 
No idea, but it does seems to be .... 
GONE.

I know there is Life ahead of me....
 Yet, at times I'm unsure
What life is supposed to look or feel like,
 Now.

  Am I waiting for everything to stop hurting?
Perhaps,

  but  I know better. 

 Please be kind- don't share Theology...

I know what God's Word  teaches.

 I accept that. 

 Those issues have all been settled long ago for me
-for all of us. 

I am not questioning God,
 I am not ungrateful. 
I am not angry,

 just So alone. 

 Empty house, empty yard, empty days, 
Nights, weekends ~Alone

I recently heard or read this somewhere :  

 If we  Praise God & Thank Him for the Good times, 
the sun shiny days, 
We must also praise and thank Him in the Valleys,
.....the dark days.

 I do~
post script:  Isn't it wonderful that with the dawn of each new day we can start fresh, leaving behind the discouraging, sometimes defeating thoughts of the day before.  
God is still good~