I do that often...pondering things that I cannot change, that I can do nothing about.
Today it's pondering the question: "What will our grand children remember about us?"
We have missed out on so much of their lives. Our first Ryan was born soon after we moved to southeast Texas and the last, Reagan was born in September of 2000 six years before we moved from Texas back to Alabama closer to our family. Six months later our daughter and her family relocated twice as far away as we had been..to the state of Iowa. We last saw them in the spring of 2007. Samantha was a little girl just turned nine then. In January she will be 12..on the verge of becoming a teenager any minute and soon a young lady. We have missed it all. They have missed us..I suppose. We will be impacted by how they have grown and changed and they are likely to be taken aback with the reality of the years added to Gramma and Pop. It's gone. It won't come back. There was nothing we could fill that space and time with ..no way to make up for it. The time and the people we each knew are no more.
I am just wondering with all this time lost what our Grands will remember about us. One cannot remember what was not. How can they know how much we have missed and longed for time face to face with them? I just don't know if that's possible.
Yes, I know all we can do as we come to turns in the road is make the best choices we can at the time..then we live with the consequences. What else can you do? For our Children as they look forward all they see is a "lifetime" ahead of them. For us now what we see is: "A lifetime past and not too many years left here with them."
It's real to us. It's not real to them.
Just pondering..[to be continued another day]