July 20, 2011

Time and What it Means

Time has a totally different meaning to us at various stages of life. As a teenager and then as a young bride and mother of little ones time was a very practical thing.
I knew ahead of me there was what we called "A Lifetime."  Then I longed for a little TIME for myself.  The luxury of time for browsing the local shops alone  was indeed a luxury.  I did have that occassionally because of the thoughtful husband who was staying put at home with the babies.  I appreciated that time.  For several years I longed for the TIME when these 3 little boys  would be able to feed, bathe and dress themselves.  I think I dreamed of  TIME when we [ my husband and I] would be able to get away somewhere special to enjoy doing unnecessary things without the usual [if mundane] and normal demands of a very young growing family.  This didn't happen often so we soaked it all in when we did have such a carefree event.  Money was always an issue and then along with that [even if we could come up with the money] there was ALWAYS the issue of someone available, willing and responsible  to care for [3] preschool age boys & later 4 as we were blessed with a precious daughter.   I always felt I was being scrutinized [critically] as a mother-then one day it "came to me" that with 3 stair step boys -13 months and 18 months apart it was reasonable to expect that things around us would be three times as loud, three times as difficult, and three times as often! And I learned to accept the fact that "if my three boys had not done it [whatever] they would." That way you aren't quite as surprised by the things three healthy, active, creative & very normal  boys come up with on any given day!

Back to the subject of TIME:  I easily recall the years when my mother-in law was in her 70's and the times we would visit her.  When It came time for the last hug, and last minute goodbye post scripts I could see how very sad and a little emotional she became...as the years passed [she lived to be 94] she couldn't hide the emotion.  Even back then when she was in the 8th decade of life I realized that the reason she was so noticeably sad when we were leaving was that in her mind she was thinking " This could be the last time we see each other on earth."

NOW I know and understand exactly how she felt. The parting at those times did not affect us quite so much..after all we had each other and our own homes and our own very full lives and interests to return to at the end of the trip. We went along our merry way and returned to the places, things and people that filled our lives.  Life was good and we had to get on with it.   I wonder how often we thought about what Nanny was doing or thinking a few hours after we were gone.  Did it ever occur to us that she might be reliving each hour or day we had just spent with her. I wonder.  Maybe...maybe not.
I suppose it all goes right back to that part of the human condition we all are cursed with....SELF will always be a major part of our being..SELF meaning self involvement and self importance   and self sufficiency.  Is it any comfort knowing that everyone else has that same negative to deal with throughout life? No, not really.
But we cannot go back ..the choices we made are what they are-that was then and this..the now is what we have left. As we have often been told and even said to others "We just have to be thankful for what we have."  I am!! But being the controlling person I am  don't you know I am going to always be trying to change things.?!!

 [Laugh with me-that's meant to be a funny..with a sprinkle of truth, of course]

*Post Script: If this is a little more introspective than you the reader can handle I apologize..lol I will try to post on a more light hearted subject next time.:^)

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean-it seems as time flies now, and I don't get to visit with the people I love. I also sit and wish my children were small again and that I had spent more time with them instead of working or doing other things. We are only frail human beings after all and the past can't be changed.


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