August 18, 2017

Tough Truths ~ Mine Are My Own

And Yours Are Not the Same as Mine-

August  18, 2013

His last major project for me

Comments/in A Widow's Might, faith, finally healing, purpose in brokeness /by Katie -

My soul, oh Lord, is still! It’s still with real awareness that You made me for more than this mess. Than the mess of …. (uncertainties) of weariness and restlessness.

My soul is still, oh Lord, because I’m making my mess of a life matter.

No, Lord, it’s not me. YOU ARE making my mess meaningful! -

Our lives, our feelings, our experiences are different.  I get the crying out of your heart totally but I would have to change ( Lord, because I am trying to  make my mess of a life matter, I want you to make my mess meaningful.!)

And I would have to say:  You made me for more than restlessness and weariness - emptiness, uncertainty and sad loneliness.

I know that.

 I am not questioning that truth.

I often say: "I don't know where I am supposed to be at this  milestone. Nor am I able to tell you where I actually am.  I am at a  different place than I was 12 or 18 months earlier. 

What do I expect?  I certainly don't want to be at a place where I have forgotten? Yet it is so fresh and painful ...the remembering

Still the remembering brings me back to the raw,  indescribable emptiness...even then having no idea what the loneliness would continue to be like.

 I cannot recall knowing real loneliness before now. 

 Oh my soul,
 I do...

 Even something so mundane as  laundry day [Thursday at our house] I remember how he chose the laundry as his regular responsibility.  Beginning soon after we relocated in south Alabama  he assumed this job. 

On our Laundry Day he gathered up the linens and dirty laundry from each bathroom also the bag of dish towels off the pantry door and began the day's chore.  As the day went on the freshly folded or hanging laundry came back into the house and with only small 'supervision' from me ended up everything in it's place-neat and orderly of course.  Clothes to be ironed were hung near the ironing board.  (yes, I did that)

Now that was quite a LAUNDRY SERVICE

How could I ever do the laundry day routine without remembering?!

And I would never want to forget

But, but... 
the remembering  brings with it such vivid recall...
all the pictures, conversations, feelings.

[ I'm so thankful then I noticed his smile that I noticed the light in his eyes, the shape of his hands]

Father in Heaven just make it right.
Make it better.

But what is better?  Will  I know it?
I'm reminding me there's no way to get to the other side of this without
making the step, one day at the time

S. U. S. T. A. I. N  me-
Maybe that's it right there -
"Just keep on holding me up and keeping me going."

Is  that  my  answer  there?
 He Sustains Me 
 He Will c o n t i n u e to sustain me-
He will not leave me

 A L O N E

Note:  Your tough truths are not mine and mine are not yours. That is all right. Let's  agree to
not judge each other.


  1. He knew the words you would key in for this blog post before you did, because He knows your heart. Holy Spirit, hear her, the groans that only You can know. Cover her in the Comfort that only You can give! And I ask it in the name of Your Precious Son, amen.

    1. Tina, I miss our momentary connections when I remember you or see your hoping you check in and see my note

  2. Moving... very moving to me.


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